Of a Self-Examination

As I look back over my sixty-three years, I can tell you without a doubt that I did not always persevere to obey God’s commands. As for the sins that I’m aware of, I would dare say they’re a hundred fold more that I’ve committed that I’m not conscious of each day or what I accumulated in the thousands (if not millions) during the interim of my fallen state(s). Thank God that I have a Savior that knows all and Who intercedes accordingly.

Given that is true as promised in God’s Word; which His Spirit inclined me to accept by faith alone, I can tell you I can’t look to my perseverance in Christ as evidence of my salvation, but His perservence in dealing with me. Of course, the initial evidence of my salvation is the assurance I have that the blood of Christ was sufficient to cover all my sins; with the removal of all of my guilt. However, by this, I also look to God’s perseverance in me. It is by His longsuffering and for His Namesake that He brings me to confess my sins… whether daily or intermittently, but always at His good pleasure. As Dr. Lloyd Jones observed of the blood and water, and I liberally paraphrase, the blood of Christ removed all sin; but the pollutants of the flesh remain and must be washed. As for when this happens? Well, if it never happens or I’m not looking for it; it’s likely my supposed conversion wasn’t consummated. Many, like the Sadducee who answered Christ accurately, could very well hear Him say, “You are not far from the kingdom of God.” (Mark 12:34) Unfortunately, close is not enough. I often wonder if that Sadducee ever entered. I pray so. Nonetheless…

I’ve found that He allowed me several times I’m ashamed to admit to languish with the pigs; eating the husks as did the prodigal, but then… Oh, glory be to God! His Spirit reminded me whose son I am, and I would run back to Him… and guess what? He was there with open and loving arms. Indeed; not that I would want to ever return to those husks; wasting my inheritance on dung. But, I figure that what God permitted and persevered in my life was to one day write this article; perhaps used by His Spirit to encourage you to awaken and see the surroundings that sin has brought you. Oh, and one other thing that I learned by the grace of God… don’t let the deceiver come in and say you aren’t worthy because of what you’ve done or the amount of time you’ve spent apart from Him. We were never worthy, and that’s why I give God the glory for His grace and preserving me.