Millpond Ink Musing, 2015 – Of Fear and Trembling; Of a Panting Heart

In Philippians 2:12, the Apostle Paul exhorted us to work out our salvation in fear and trembling. This is not a work that leads to salvation because salvation is of God alone. He draws His own to the cross, and in looking up, we know it is by faith alone in Jesus’s blood that we’re saved. It could be no other way; even as He is the only way.

Still, do we believe that it is by faith alone? I ask because there are many who venture to the cross, look up, and they travel from there having their own or they share in another’s opinion about what it was they witnessed and what it meant to them. Many; if not most sojourners, are confident that their view prevails, and they are at peace; such is the strong man’s rest. Thus, they neither fear nor tremble. Why do Christians? They fear and tremble because of the seeming tenuousness of their faith as they start their pilgrimage from that lonely and distant place on a hill far, far away; which will lead us one day to a new and glorious land. Have you ever read Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan? Do you think our journey is anything less?

Faith alone. Yes, how tenuous it seems without God’s constant reassurance. Anything that you pursue alone; much less by faith alone, causes some consternation and doubt. Then, when we face the challenges of life, continuing temptations and sin, afflictions; self doubt…. as we age; grow old… how have we matured? Have we? If anything, we will inevitably start to question the legitimacy of His call and our response. How often is it that we find during a lull in a battle, change in battlefield or awakened in the dark of night that we understand Philippians 2:12. It’s often in that stillness and quiet of a bloodstained trench or laying soaked in bed that we may grow fearful that our heavenly Father had surely abandoned us; especially as we faced the light of the coming day.

It is indeed during those times, that fear and trepidation may spread over us as a darkened cloud. We feel as if God has drawn behind it, but we know He hasn’t; not really, not forever. We recall when He said, ‘And lo, I shall be with you always,’ and we take heart. So, why then do we fear and tremble? Is it our lack of faith? ‘No,’ we say to ourselves. It is then that we might possibly hear God add, ‘It was never your faith to begin with My son! It was My gift, and so is the heart that I gave you that even now pants after Me! And did not My Son, sweat droplets for you?’

‘Still,’ in amazement we may cry out, ‘Where are You? Have I sent You away? Did I ever truly know You? Oh, Lord, it is not You I doubt. It is me. Me! I know that You love me; You told the world that You did, but am I of Your world? Your kingdom? Your church and bride?’

It is then that He may softly answer, ‘It wasn’t the absence of your faith that brought this for I gave you your faith, and I am faithful for My Namesake and you, His inheritance. No, it is My absence that causes you to cry out! As for the fear and trembling that you feel? It is for your self examination! It is for your good! Weren’t you told to examine yourselves?’

Such is the fear and trembling that pleases God when issued from a humble and contrite heart. While it is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of a living God, we also know that God’s love, which is perfect and wondrous, casts out all fear! Thus, our hearts, when it is found in fear and trembling, are filled by a yearning and deep passion that calls out for Him; even as the Shulamite woman in Song of Songs 3:1: “By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth: I sought him, but I found him not.”

Yes, we truly feel the pangs of His absence, but through those shots of fear and trembling, He works in us greater faith, patience, and yes, even love. Oh, how I praise God for my fear and trembling. It is His testimony in me; witnessed by His Spirit, that He is the lover of my soul and my panting is drawn from the very breath He gave and I inhale to give back to Him!