He Looked At Me

It was a big step —
to repent, trust Christ,
though the decision was the easiest of all
at the moment I made it.

The filling of the Holy Spirit,
the joy,
peace…
yes, such peace —
that surpassed understanding…
What does that mean? Surpassed understanding?
It simply means I can’t explain the peace…
a source unnatural… undeserved… greater… inexplicable.
Looking back now – so many years later… 

You can’t imagine…
but then, why would you try?
If you’re happy, not unsettled by the things you’ve done…
Who am I to say whether you should be unsettled or not?
Many are morally superior to me.
Why would a moral man or woman consider Christ?
They wouldn’t.
No man seeks him; no, not one.
But then, I wonder: is anyone’s life truly fulfilling?
Only you can answer that.

The question that I faced when I was young?
What must I give up to follow Christ?
In facing that question, I also knew that what I didn’t want to give up offended God.
It’s then I knew my sin.
As for any sense of morality?
Morality is a measure of men,
as my grandmother would have my cousin and me in our youth stand back to back to see who was taller.
I was, but that only explained my longer shadow of darkness.

Nevertheless, looking back?
Trusting Christ was the easiest decision that I ever made…
Not because I was brighter… more spiritual… or taller, no.
When the Father revealed the face of His Son on the cross to me,
and he looked at me?
It’s then I knew.